Much Ado About Nothing

The Art of Self Delusion

I am beginning to wonder if everyone else practices self deception. I have had several conversations lately, which got me thinking, about happiness and optimism, and how hard it is to BE happy when there is so much grief in the world. I had a hard time answering that, since I am happy most of the time. But when I really started thinking about it, I realized that while I am aware of and live in "reality", I am very good at ignoring anything that makes me unhappy or upset, or any of those negative emotions. I just convince myself that they don't bother me.

It is kind of hard to explain, since I know the first reaction of anyone reading this will be that I live in denial, or that I am a bit "not all there." It is hard to put into words how I can be both aware of the bad stuff and ignore it at the same time. Have you ever heard the song 'Imaginary' by Evanesence? That is kind of what I am talking about.

It is not only a method of enjoying life, it is also a form of self-defense. If I don't like something, I can either pretend it doesn't exist, or convince myself it doesn't matter. For example: public speaking. In reality, it terrifies me. However, I simply tell myself I don't mind doing it, and behave as if I don't mind it, so in the end, I am able to do it with no problems. I think that may be the key: acting as if you believe your own deceptions, even while acknowledging, to yourself at least, that they are deceptions. But then, whether you believe them or not, if that is the only face you show the world, does that, in fact, make the deception true?

These are the kinds of things I think about when driving to and from work. It is a long, boring drive.

Is any of this making any sense? I guess that is why I waited so long to post it. It is hard sometimes to put a feeling into words, or to describe the different masks we wear and how that effects us. Or maybe I am the only one. Maybe I do, willingly, see the world through the proverbial rose-colored glasses, knowing the tint of everything is off, but choosing not to care, since while I can't change the real color, I can at least impact how I perceive it.

posted by Toni @ 3:18 PM Comments: 2