Due to popular demand
I have opened up my blog to comments from people who don't have a blogger account. In my own defense, I had set it that way because I kept getting blog spam, which annoyed the crap out of me. But I also didn't have word verification on, so I am hoping that the verification will keep the spammers at bay, while still allowing my non-blogger friends to comment. Enjoy, and please, be kind!
Dee Made Me Do It
After almost a year of trying, she finally got me to write fanfic! It is kind of nice to be writing about something other than printers and inks though.
TITLE: It Always Hurts
AUTHOR: Girrlkitty
STATUS: Complete
RATING: G
CATEGORY: General, angst
SUMMARY: Carson Beckett comes to grips with losing patients
SPOILERS: None
WARNINGS: None
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my first foray into writing fanfic, so be kind! Feedback is appreciated. Special thanks to Dee and Yllek, who guilted me into writing, then were kind enough to beta for me.
ARCHIVE: Do not archive without the author's express permission.
DISCLAIMER: The Stargate, SGA, the Wraith, and all characters that have appeared in the series STARGATE ATLANTS, together with the names, titles, and back story, are the sole copyright property of Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios Inc., the SciFi Channel, and Acme Shark. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea, and the story itself are the sole property of the author.
Dr. Carson Beckett stood on a balcony and watched the sun heave its way out of the ocean. If only everything in life could be that predictable.
It had been a long night, but he couldn’t go face sleep just yet. Exhaustion warred with his fear of the dreams. He had added a few more to the list of those he had lost, and that always ended up coming out as soon as he closed his eyes. Rest was anything but restful, and he knew it would take a few days, weeks, months, before he could sleep soundly or easily again.
The day had started out quiet enough. The infirmary had no pressing patients, just the usual bruises and headaches. And he knew – thought he knew – there would be nothing major coming in, since Colonel Sheppard and his team, the problem children, were firmly on Atlantis ground.
He had been catching up on paperwork, with vague ideas about seeing if Rodney wanted to get some dinner and play checkers later. He liked checkers, since it was a game he had a halfway decent change of beating the man at.
That was when his headset had beeped, with Elizabeth shouting for a medical team to the gateroom stat. After a startled moment, jarred out of his reverie, he mobilized his team and ran to see what was wrong.
It was a Major he didn’t know very well, who led a team of Marines he didn’t know that well, on a mission he knew next to nothing about. Apparently the planet they thought was uninhabited did, in fact, have current occupants. And their hospitality left something to be desired.
Two of them were gone before Carson even had a chance to get them to the infirmary. They died as he watched, helpless to save them, to fix things, make them better. He had to move on, to the next patient, the next problem.
Another, despite all the resources they could bring to bear, died an hour later. The last, the Major, was still alive, and stable for the moment, but he was badly injured. Carson never did get the specifics of what had happened, and he was honest enough with himself to know that he wouldn’t try to find out. His dreams didn’t need more fuel.
With a sigh, he pushed off the railing, brushing away the traces of moisture staining his cheeks, and went back inside. He might not want to succumb to sleep, but he knew better than to push himself. He had a patient who would need him at his best, or at least close, later in the day.
And after all, if he staggered, let himself get lost in the grief, he wouldn’t be there to put everyone else back together. And losing someone through negligence would be worse than having them die with their blood flowing through his fingers.
####
Boing!
Ok, I am high on too much caffeine, and I thought I would chronicle the experience. I am sure everyone has experienced this at some point: the feeling that you can't sit still, like you are in fast forward or the world is in slow motion, and your chest feels like it has someone pushing on it. Or maybe I am the only one, who knows. All I can tell you is that right now, my nerves are shot and I can't stop bouncing. That is what I get for drinking 3 cups of coffee after having none all weekend. I was overcompensating for a bad caffeine headache yesterday I guess. And while I am at it, I apologize for any great leaps of topic, as I can't seem to focus on anything for more than a few minutes, or spelling errors, since to be honest my brain is moving a bit faster than my fingers can go. I am working hard to force myself to slow down enough to proof-read a bit, so maybe it won't be so bad. We shall see. I think part of the problem too is that all I really had to eat all weekend was muffins. Well, except Applebees last night, but the rest of the time I just ate muffins. And not even very many of those. I was out of food, and that was all I could whip together. I like muffins -- have you ever tried the Cinnabon flavor? Those are the ones I made. I burned them though, since I checked them and they were underdone, and 5 minutes later they were burned on the bottom. But it is ok, I can cut the bottoms off and they are just fine. They have the crubly stuff on top, which is quite tasty. I'm glad that part didn't get burned.
Wow, you know, it occurs to me that that is a large wall of text. Sorry about that. I will try not to do that again. Or better yet, I should probably not blog when I am this out of it. But I am very productive at work! Or at least I was this morning. I am having a harder time this afternoon. It is harder to channel the energy a second time once you have lost focus I guess.
Ok, stopping now. I am beginning to scare myself...
