Winter Wonderland. Yeah right.
Snow. It is something I am sure all you northerners take for granted. It is part of your yearly routine, nothing you probably give much thought to beyond shoveling it and whatnot. But I grew up far away from snow. In fact, it was in the 70s at my parent's house this past weekend. They went to a picnic. I have celebrated Christmas in shorts and a tee-shirt before, going for a quick dip in the pool after opening presents.
I have to admit, the coming winter months terrify me, because I don't know what to expect, not really. I have seen the movies and the news reports, and people can tell me what it is like, but until I make it through this first winter, it is all foreign to me. I feel at times like everyone around me is speaking a foreign language with words like shoveling and salting and scrapers, but the only thing I know how to say in this language is "how far to the palace," a singularly useless phrase.
I used to joke about wanting a white Christmas to my family, but it was always in the context of one day of snow which would quickly melt away, to be enjoyed from inside a warm house filled with family. Not months on end of cold and wet, not driving on ice and the terror that I am going to kill myself or someone else while driving to or from work.
I think the whole thing is made worse by having to face it essentially alone. Yes I have good friends who will make sure I at least have the tools I need to survive the season. And yes, I do have some extended family up here, some of whom I am close to. But my friends will all be at their own homes dealing with their own winters, and my family has enough to handle already -- they are busy trying to keep my cousin's flagging spirits up as she continues her fight against breast cancer. I can't add to that burden by asking them to take care of me too. So I have to wake up each morning and face that sea of white by myself. Most of the time I can ignore being alone, I can convince myself that I don't really need anyone else, that I am just fine on my own. And most of the time, I get by. But there are times, like this, that really make me wish I had someone to wake up next to. Someone to laugh at me as I shiver in the morning, to make me laugh as I scrape snow off my car. Someone to come home to at night to keep me warm and remind me that I am safe.
Meh, I guess it all comes down to being a bit homesick, the first real bout of it I have had since I moved up here. Considering I am now in my 10th month up here, I guess that is a good thing, and I have you, my friends, to thank for that, for welcoming me and making me feel right at home. But I am very close to my immediate family, and being so far away this time of year, with the holidays upon us, is hard sometimes. I wish they were here with me to face the winter.
Sorry for such a maudlin post. I guess I just needed to get it out. I promise we will return to our regular schedule of upbeat, positive and happy shortly.
posted by Toni @ 12:40 PM
Comments: 7
